Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Happy Birthday!

In September of 2005, my brother's first daughter was born. My niece was a precious, tiny little thing, and Thomas and Darcy were THRILLED. I was too. For them. By the time she was born, I was pretty sure I was pregnant. Again. And wasn't very happy about it at all. This would be my fifth pregnancy, and I was under the impression my family of four children was complete. Anger, sadness, and guilt were my daily, even hourly companions. I wouldn't go to my doctor to confirm what I already knew. Because then I would have to acknowledge this was more than an inconvenience, it was a baby. I cried when I told my Mom I was pregnant. Finally I went to a doctor, and a phone call came a couple of days later. "We have never seen something like this before. Don't really know what it is. There is some kind of blood disorder. You are going to have to go to a specialist. Oh, and you are now considered high risk. We don't think this pregnancy will ever go to term."

My heart broke. This was my BABY they were talking about. I got on the Internet, contacted doctor's around the country and became an amateur expert on this disorder. And I fought. And on May 9, 2006, our precious fifth child was born. Completely healthy and normal. We named him after Heath's brother, Dad, and sister, and my mother's dear late brother. William Terry was a DOLL!

And this child has lit up our lives ever since. He lights up the night sky with his smile. He's literally the sunshine in our family. Terry is always ready for an adventure and is ready to take a bite out of life. He is a jokester (ask him to tell you his chicken-crossing-the-road jokes), a prankster, and all around lover of life. He makes sure to tell me he loves me and will always protect me, "but make sure you don't do anything embarrassing to me". He loves "suppa-ghetti", and all things pizza. He hates vegetables, but loves green beans (they can't be vegetables, because he hates those). He watches over his younger sister like a hawk, but only to make sure and let me know when she is doing wrong. He wants to build things with his tools when he grows up, but only if he can live with me.

Sometimes, I still feel the stab of guilt when I look into his large bespectacled eyes. I still hurt knowing I didn't want this child. But the Lord is faithful. And he forgives. God gave us a precious child who does not know anything except the fierce love his parents have for him. I thank God for dragging me down a path I did not want to go, and for teaching me once again a lesson in trust.

Happy 5th birthday, my Terry Bear. You are a "whole hand old", and I love you more each and every day!


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  1. So sweet, Beth. I love that boy too! Lots and lots.

  2. Happy Birthday to Terry! A whole hand is a big deal.

    This was so sweet. I completely understand how you felt. I remember sitting in the NICU holding teeny tiny Maggie and feeling so guilty about my reaction to getting pregnant... but you're right, they will only know how much we love them. One of Gods many gifts to them and us.

    I hope it was a fun day for all of you!