Thursday, November 18, 2010

November 18th

Tonight is a hard night to find gratitude in my heart. Tonight it is filled with anger. Ugliness. And down right darkness. I'm mad. Mad at my husband. My kids. Circumstances completely out of everyone's control.

You see, I'm not Superwoman. Yes, I run after eight children. We teach them their book knowledge, their social interactions, and their spiritual teachings. To some, this seems like an overwhelming, daunting task. It is difficult at times to just raise one or two children. And to think of someone doing it with eight just seems impossible. And they say things like "I don't know how you do it", or "You must have lots of patience", or better yet "Glad it's you and not me". Well right now, I feel like that last quote. I want to scream and yell. I want to point the finger at someone else. Tell them it's all their fault. I want to make sure I'm blameless. Do you know what that is called? Selfishness. Plain and simple. And that, my friend, is a sin.

Is it any ones fault that we haven't been home for two weeks? That we have been traveling for a funeral? That we have had one week in which every organization Heath and I are involved with has had a meeting? Is it Heath's fault he is suddenly sick? Do I have any one to blame for the uncleanliness of our home?

Nope. Just as I have no one to blame but my self for the uncleanliness of our home, so it is with my heart. I truly feel awful for Heath that he is sick. I'm just being selfish that it doesn't fit in my schedule. And I have taken it out on him. I made my three year old daughter cry because I yelled at her for getting in my way with the broom. "But Momma, I was only trying to sweep so you wouldn't have to". And with that statement, God's love broke through. And I went to my knees and wept. Wept for my circumstances (albeit, mostly my fault for procrastinating). Wept for my anger. My ugliness. And then I asked for forgiveness. I am sinful. I am not perfect. I mess up. I yell. I take out my anger on the innocent. Yet I have a Savior that loves me too much to leave me that way.

So tonight, I am thankful for a Savior's love. My God, the Creator, and my Comforter is here to pick up the pieces. To understand my feelings, and push me to a place of growth. The Counselor that forgives me of my sin, and holds my hand along the path. I am definitely not perfect, but through Jesus, I am so thankful I am being perfected.

"Create in me a clean heart, O God. And renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51:10


Monday, November 15, 2010

November 15th

cartoon from

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

Today, I'm thankful for a working washer and dryer. Really. I am. Must keep saying that over, and over, and over....


Sunday, November 14, 2010

November 14th

So I'm a little behind. I will try to go back and catch up, but I had to post today's gratitude musings on this specific day.

Today we celebrate a birthday. It has been two years since I gave birth to this little guy.

It's amazing to me how fast time goes by. We have welcomed another child to our home. Said goodbye to other family members. Watched children grow, laughed, cried, counted of milestones. Sometimes we take it for
granted; healthy babies, growing children. But today I couldn't be more thankful for our house full of healthy, vibrant children. And especially for this guy. He goes
by many monikers: Tubs, Rollie, Chunk, Moose, Anderson. My favorite is Sanson. And we love him so.

Happy 2nd Birthday Anderson Dean!


Sunday, November 7, 2010

November 8th

Today is a very special day. Today is the day my brother was brought into the world. Thirty years ago that is.

Thomas is four years younger than I. Yeah, do the math. You can figure out my age. I remember going to the hospital to pick him and my Mom up to bring them home. I was terrified. Thought they both were going to break. I honestly do not remember ANYTHING of him as a baby. I'm a heavy sleeper, so I guess he didn't interrupt my nights.

We played hard as kids. He loved the Justice League and we spent many hours rescuing the world from the evils of Darkseid. But on that same note, we also spent hours playing with Barbies. We coated ourselves with all the dirt there is in Logan County. There were trees to climb, horny toads to find, 4 wheelers to ride, Grandpa's tools to hide, cows to feed, Grandma's candy to eat. And of course there was Grandma's clothes and jewelery. Yep, I dressed him up all the time. And we're not talking a little toddler that couldn't stop me. I think he was like 10 the last time I put the "Princess Di" jewels on him. We fought, we loved, we're siblings.

My Mom went back to school one summer. What I remember most is eating Macaroni and Cheese for lunch while watching Dukes of Hazard with Thom. And we would inevitably get into a fight. I have the guilt today of being the person solely responsible for my brother's claustrophobia. I never once hit him, but I would pin him down to the floor. He still goes mad if someone tries that. We were typical siblings. And over the years, our relationship has stretched. Sometimes it's close together, sometimes it's thin. But you know what? That brother of mine will drop everything for me if I ask him to. There was that time he drove for a couple of hours with my Dad to rescue my family from the side of the road in the middle of the Oklahoma heat. Or stayed up all night while babysitting my oldest as we waited for my second to be born. I may not remember everything, but I know that Thomas will always be there.

I am so very grateful for a little brother. No matter how many feet he towers over me.


November 7th

This will be a nice and short post. I'm so very tired. Extremely tired. So tonight all I have to offer for thankfulness is my bed. I am so grateful for a night to sleep in my bed, with my pillow and blanket, and my husband.


November 6th

"We'll keep the light on for you"

Do you remember that tag line? Motel 6 ended it's commercials with it, and was a promise the chain made to it's customers.

Today, I have a new appreciation for it. Today was a day spent at a hospital watching as a life slowly ebbed away. It was a long day. Sometimes full of laughter and shared memories. Often filled with tears. Seconds became minutes, minutes turned to hours. And we waited. Heath and I made the decision to go home to catch a little sleep. Well, he went all the way home, I went to my parents' home. My kids were there, but it wasn't planned for me to be there. And as I pulled into the driveway, long past bedtimes, there in the front window was the light. I have never pulled into that driveway and seen that light off. All my teenage years it was on. Waiting. And tonight, YEARS later, my Momma and Daddy left it on again. Just in case. If I came home, they wouldn't want me come home to a dark house. And I sat in that driveway and cried. Cried for the lose that was coming. For Heath and his family. And for parents who never forget to comfort their child. I am so very grateful for those who "keep the light on for you".


Friday, November 5, 2010

November 5th

I'm going to get this one done "early" today.

Today, I am getting a day off. Since I am not at home, I don't have a to-do list staring at me. Sure, I'm working on laundry. And I need to make sure the kids aren't tearing my parents' house down. But I don't have any "have to's". No decorating. No sewing. No house keeping. No nothing. Granted, I enjoy these things. Mostly. But sometimes, after deadlines and multiple projects, you just need time off. Hobbies and such become work, and then they aren't enjoyable. They become a chore, and they don't relax the mind and spirit. So instead of sweating all the things I'm not doing today, or worrying about getting behind, I'm going to enjoy a day off. I might even spend the day playing video games with the kids. And I'm grateful I can.


November 4th

I'm a day late. Again. But I had a legitimate excuse. I promise.

Yesterday we had to quickly rearrange schedules and such so Heath could get to the hospital where his Grandmother is. She has a host of medical issues going on right now, and he felt the need to be by her side. And I was more than happy to help arrange everything so he could.

So I was thankful yesterday for flexibility. One might not think that is a worthy offering, but it really is. Ever know someone who wasn't willing to deviate from the schedule? To roll with the punches? To give grace, and be understanding? When we received word from Heath's family, I had 36 cookies cooling, a cake in the oven, cookie dough in the freezer, and mounds of laundry. After some quick phone calls, the cookies went into the freezer for another event. Two ladies from the church are cooking a couple of extra pies today for my contribution to the community fire department dinner. The cake was quickly decorated and delivered a day early. The dough will still be there next week to make cookies. And laundry travels. And my parents have huge, front loading machines. And the clothes are getting clean, quick. And speaking of them. They graciously let us invade their home a day early. Made room for everyone. Changed their routines around so we could be here. Stepped over sleeping bodies and played musical chairs with the vehicles this morning. See, there is something to being flexible. And I'm so grateful I know people who are willing to roll with the punches.


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

November 3rd

Today I am so very thankful for a chance to teach my children. There are days I take that privilege for granted. And there is more to it than just my kids. We spend our days together as a family. No having to rush around to find family time. No looking at my kids wondering when was the last time I spent time with them. We are a unit. And we feel lost when one part is missing.

Plus, we get to determine what our kids learn. And then get to learn it ourselves. This year we are "mixing" our bible studies with history, and coming up with a wonderful time line. And then there is Latin. Whew. It's keeping me on my toes. Honestly, it's all Greek to me. But we're learning.

And lastly, there is fellowship. With other families. Families that don't look down on us for the number in our household. Families that celebrate each child, not just the first one or two. Ladies who laugh with and at me. Who think I have important things to attribute, and that I'm not "just a Mom". Children who accept my kids, and I don't have to worry about what they are teaching my children. Men who watch over their families. Care for them, provide for them. And pass those traits on to their sons.

I am truly grateful for our experiences as a homeschooling family. It just works for us.


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

November 2nd

This is an easy day to be thankful. Today is my 14th wedding anniversary. I have been gleefully married to a man that has brought so much to my life. I thank the

Lord for Heath everyday, but very much so today. He has been the leader of our home. He provides for me, protects me, and guides me deeper in my relationship with Christ. Heath and I have eight children together,

and he cares for them in the same ways. I chose to love him 14 years ago, and I still chose to love him today. And I am so grateful, he chooses to love me more each and every day.


A day late

I'm a day behind. I wanted to do a post a day during the month of November sharing my joy. This is the month of thankfulness. Usually lost because we are all getting the jump on Christmas. (Trust me on this. I'm betting my tree is up in a week and a half.) Normally forgotten as we rush from here to there preparing for the "holiday season". Well, it got the jump on me. This is the busiest week we've had in quite a while. So I'm going to back up to yesterday, and post for it, then post for today. This is my month to be grateful.

November 1st~

This day, I am thankful for the breath I breathe. I am preparing food for a funeral dinner for a long time community member. I moved to the town after she was moved in with family, so I did not personally know her. But it was very important to those still here to bring her family back to our church and feed them. They are not surprised she is gone. This has been a long time coming. But they still miss her. And they told me, "don't take a moment for granted. It will be gone before you know it." I take my mornings for granted. I see them as drudgery. Trying to shake the cobwebs free. Not wanting to let go of slumber. Dreading putting my feet on the floor. Knowing that once I leave my place of rest, the headaches of raising a household will begin. I sleep late. I avoid getting up. I start my day behind and defeated. But not today. Today I welcomed joy back into my mornings. I let the Light of the Son back into my room. And I thanked Him for this day. This day He is giving me. This day to start anew. With new mercies. With His presence.